One of the most enduringly popular works
of the Gilbert and Sullivan repertoire, The
Gondoliers was first performed in 1889.
It was the collaboration's last major success.
The story concerns two gondoliers, Marco
and Giuseppe Palmieri. One of them is the heir
to the throne of Barateria, and was married
in childhood to the daughter of the Duke of
Plaza Toro - but nobody knows which. In the
meantime, they have formed liaisons with Tessa
and Gianetta, whilst the Duke's daughter (Casilda)
is herself in love with her father's servant,
Luiz. It happens that the mother of Luiz nursed
the infant prince of Barataria, an she is sent
for in order to identify him. She reveals that
the true heir is her son, Luiz, with whom Casilda
is already in love - whilst Marco and Giuseppe
can return to Tessa and Gianetta.
The two songs set out below,
I stole the Prince and
I brought him here, and There lived a King, as I've been told,
are perhaps not strictly legal in character
- but they humorously display, through the person
of Don Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner),
the kind of argumentative sophistry which is
often associated with the legal profession.
I stole the Prince and
I brought him here
Duchess of Plaza Toro: Unfortunately, if I am not mistaken, there appears to be some little doubt as to His Majesty's whereabouts.
Casilda (aside): A doubt as to his whereabouts? Then we may yet be saved!
Don Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): A doubt? Oh dear, no--no doubt at all! He is here, in Venice, plying the modest but picturesque calling of a gondolier. I can give you his address--I see him every day! In the entire annals of our history there is absolutely no circumstance so entirely free from all manner of doubt of any kind whatever! Listen, and I'll tell you all about it.
Don Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): I stole the Prince, and I brought him here,
And left him gaily prattling
With a highly respectable gondolier,
Who promised the Royal babe to rear,
And teach him the trade of a timoneer
With his own beloved bratling.
Both of the babes were strong and stout,
And, considering all things, clever.
Of that there is no manner of doubt--
No probable, possible shadow of doubt--
No possible doubt whatever. All: No possible doubt whatever.
Don Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): But owing, I'm much disposed to fear,
To his terrible taste for tippling,
That highly respectable gondolier
Could never declare with a mind sincere
Which of the two was his offspring dear,
And which the Royal stripling!
Which was which he could never make out
Despite his best endeavour.
Of that there is no manner of doubt--
No probable, possible shadow of doubt--
No possible doubt whatever.. All: No possible doubt whatever.
Don Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): Time sped, and when at the end of a year
I sought that infant cherished,
That highly respectable gondolier
Was lying a corpse on his humble bier--
I dropped a Grand Inquisitor's tear--
That gondolier had perished.
A taste for drink, combined with gout,
Had doubled him up for ever.
Of that there is no manner of doubt--
No probable, possible shadow of doubt--
No possible doubt whatever.. All: No possible doubt whatever.
Don Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): The children followed his old career--
(This statement can't be parried)
Of a highly respectable gondolier:
Well, one of the two (who will soon be here)--
But which of the two is not quite clear--
Is the Royal Prince you married!
Search in and out and round about,
And you'll discover never
A tale so free from every doubt--
All probable, possible shadow of doubt--
All possible doubt whatever!
All: A tale free from every doubt, etc.
Casilda: Then do you mean to say that I am married to one of two gondoliers, but it is impossible to say which?
Don Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): Without any doubt of any kind whatever.
There lived a King, as I've been told
Don Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): You see, in every Court there are distinctions that must be observed.
Giuseppe Palmieri:
(puzzled). There are, are there?
Don Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): Why, of course. For instance, you wouldn't have a Lord High Chancellor play leapfrog with his own cook.
Marco Palmieri: Why not?
Don Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): Why not! Because a Lord High Chancellor is a personage of great dignity, who should never, under any circumstances, place himself in the position of being told to tuck in his tuppenny, except by noblemen of his own rank. A Lord High Archbishop, for instance, might tell a Lord High Chancellor to tuck in his tuppenny, but certainly not a cook, gentlemen, certainly not a cook.
Giuseppe Palmieri: Not even a Lord High Cook?
Don Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): My good friend, that is a rank that is not recognized at the Lord Chamberlain's office. No, no, it won't do. I'll give you an instance in which the experiment was tried.
Don Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): There lived a King, as I've been told, In the wonder-working days of old, When hearts were twice as good as gold, And twenty times as mellow. Good-temper triumphed in his face, And in his heart he found a place For all the erring human race And every wretched fellow. When he had Rhenish wine to drink It made him very sad to think That some, at junket or at jink, Must be content with toddy. Marco
and Giuseppe Palmieri: With toddy, must be content with toddy. Don
Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): He wished all men as rich as he (And he was rich as rich could be), So to the top of every tree Promoted everybody. Marco
and Giuseppe Palmieri: Now, that's the kind of King for me. He wished all men as rich as he, So to the top of every tree Promoted everybody!
Don Alhambra Del Bolero
(the Grand Inquisitioner): Lord Chancellors were cheap as sprats, And Bishops in their shovel hats Were plentiful as tabby cats-- In point of fact, too many. Ambassadors cropped up like hay, Prime Ministers and such as they Grew like asparagus in May, And Dukes were three a penny. On every side Field-Marshals gleamed, Small beer were Lords-Lieutenant deemed, With Admirals the ocean teemed All round his wide dominions. Marco
and Giuseppe Palmieri: All round his wide dominions. Don
Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): And Party Leaders you might meet In twos and threes in every street Maintaining, with no little heat, Their various opinions. Marco
and Giuseppe Palmieri: Now that's a sight you couldn't beat-- Two Party Leaders in each street Maintaining, with no little heat, Their various opinions.
Don Alhambra Del Bolero
(the Grand Inquisitioner): That King, although no one denies His heart was of abnormal size, Yet he'd have acted otherwise If he had been acuter. The end is easily foretold, When every blessed thing you hold Is made of silver, or of gold, You long for simple pewter. When you have nothing else to wear But cloth of gold and satins rare, For cloth of gold you cease to care-- Up goes the price of shoddy. Marco
and Giuseppe Palmieri: Up goes the price of shoddy. Don
Alhambra Del Bolero (the Grand Inquisitioner): In short, whoever you may be, To this conclusion you'll agree, When every one is somebodee, Then no one's anybody! Marco
and Giuseppe Palmieri: Now that's as plain as plain can be, To this conclusion we agree-- All:. When every one is somebodee, Then no one's anybody!
